Phew! Another trip around the sun. It seems like every year around my birthday I start to examine the mirror a bit more, taking stock, looking for any discernible changes. I don’t feel any different, but the slow changes in my face and my body are certainly evident. The laugh lines around my mouth have deepened, my neck isn’t as taut as it used to be, my poor hands are easily ten years older than the rest of my body… as you get older, birthdays become a strange mix of celebration and mourning, don't they? As we relish the birthday traditions, presents and champagne, the inner critic can also come out to play. Right when I think I have reached the pinnacle of idgaf (look it up here), that old social conditioning rears its ugly head and all of a sudden I’m tumbling down the rabbit hole of self judgment, pinching my thighs, hating on my hair, and frowning into the mirror as I attack myself with a tube of concealer.
I have been on this planet for 42 years. I am smarter and wiser than I have ever been. I am physically and mentally stronger than I have ever been. I am healthier than I have ever been. My life is peaceful and full of joy. I am in love with my job, I am obsessed with my husband, my bills are paid, my daughter is happy and healthy, I have wonderful friends… but I have a mean girl living with me; she calls me lazy and ugly and makes me feel guilty about my choices. She follows me around making snide comments about everything I do. And even though I know better, sometimes I believe her.
Our inner critics actually DO have a purpose; we are concerned with others’ expectations because, as humans, we are hardwired to connect and belong. In the animal kingdom, those who don’t look or behave like the others in their group are outcast and less likely to survive. This mechanism works within the human species as well; our mirror neurons exist to help us look and act like others so that we can connect and survive as a species. The problem is that sometimes we become so attached to those expectations that it actually causes us emotional harm.

We can be so cruel to ourselves. Honestly, what if we could just leave ourselves alone for once?! I mean, if you saw a child being bullied wouldn’t you tell the bully to leave that poor kid alone? Why do we allow ourselves to be bullied day in and day out by these inner jerks who don’t even see things as they truly are? I run a business, do the office work for my husband’s business, raise a kid, home school, run my household, manage an online income stream, grow a lot of my own food, get to the gym every morning, and I am currently working on my advanced yoga teacher training course, among a gazillion other things, but this bitch in my brain keeps calling me lazy?! Get real!
My inner critic isn’t going to go away, and I know that sometimes I will not be able to resist believing her lies. But I forgive myself for believing her. If she calls me lazy, I will not forgive myself for being lazy (because I am not!); I will forgive myself for believing that I am lazy in the first place. Understand that your inner critic has a purpose, but is still just a part of your lizard brain; she is not very intelligent. Try to view your inner critic as a well-meaning friend who always says the wrong thing; she’s trying to help you but she just doesn’t have very good manners and she doesn’t have all the details. You can take what she says with a grain of salt.
And in case nobody has told you today, you are beautiful, you are wise, you are powerful, and you are perfect just the way you are. Today I will look in the mirror and smile back at myself, because as the lines on my face deepen, so does my wisdom and my capacity for self-compassion. I get more amazing every single day.
Comments