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Dealing With Disaster

Writer's picture: jaclyn kingjaclyn king

Have you ever had a string of bad luck, just chaotic events in your life one after the other, to the point where you really start to wonder about what you may have done to deserve this kind of karma? You might wonder if the universe is testing you or punishing you, or if you could have done something to prevent these woes. It’s easy to slip into feeling like a victim, wallowing in your pity party, amplifying all of your focus on the bad things and completely ignoring the blessings. This has been my struggle of late.


About six weeks ago, we had a very windy rainstorm. It was a Wednesday night and I was in the middle of instructing my Yin Yoga class, which is a very quiet, relaxing class. The sound of the rain on the studio roof was actually a nice backdrop, and my students were all cozy and warm, wrapped in blankets in the dim lighting, soft music playing and incense gently wafting through the space. And then I heard it; a big cracking, crushing bang! It was pitch black outside, but as I walked past the studio window mid-instruction, I could see it; a tree had fallen on my Jeep. After class, I went out to check the damage and found that I’d need a new windshield frame, windshield, front fender and hood.

I was obviously dismayed, of course I wasn’t going to be overjoyed at this experience! But I took a big breath and got help pushing the tree off of my car. The next day, I called my insurance company. I made arrangements to have the repairs done and reserved a rental car. Life goes on, and it’s just a vehicle. I practiced acceptance. I stayed calm. Five years ago something like this would have sent me over the edge. This time, I practiced gratitude for the blessings in my life; that the car still runs and drives, that I am safe and unhurt, that I have insurance to cover the repairs. I was hugely relieved that it was my car instead of one of my students! It could be worse.


About four weeks ago, I started having a cough, stuffy nose, trouble breathing, and migraines. I have never been migraine prone, had no fever or fatigue, and tested negative for everything. And then. I started looking for answers and my husband and I discovered that there had been some condensation in our upstairs ceiling, which had led to mold growth; it was allergies. Suddenly, there was brown water running down the walls in my bedroom, leaking through the ceiling in our entryway downstairs, staining the floor and the window trim, and even dripping outside our front door. It started to grow mold in the drywall in my closet. Those of you who know me know that I am a neat freak, so this discovery was not just making me physically ill, it gave me huge anxiety.


We took immediate steps by getting an air purifier going upstairs, and I started on new allergy meds. This week I need to pack my clothing, jewelry, the entire upstairs bathroom, take down curtains and everything off the walls, move furniture and empty the second floor of my house so that it can become a construction site. I will be sleeping in my living room, the three of us will be sharing our one small downstairs bathroom, and in what appears to be the coldest week of the winter so far, we will tear the insulation out of the roof of my house. After that will be the clean up and repair, drywall, paint…just thinking about the task ahead has me feeling overwhelmed. Every time I start to feel anxious about it, I take a deep breath and remind myself how lucky I am that my husband and I have the ability to do this work ourselves, that we don’t have to wait for a contractor, that we have a warm safe place to sleep while the work gets done, and that maybe my bedroom will look even better than before once it’s all finished. I picture how I will rearrange and redecorate when it’s time to move back upstairs, and that makes me feel hopeful instead of dreadful.


And then. We arrived home late last night from our vacation. I couldn't wait to get out of those airport clothes, dump my laundry in the washer, take a hot shower and climb into my own cozy bed. I slept like a log. The first thing I do every morning when I wake up is look out the back window from my bed. I like my eyes to see nature, the sunrise, the trees, before anything else each day. In the summer, this view also includes my garden and greenhouse, my pride and joy. This morning was only slightly different. I did, indeed, look out the back window as soon as I awoke. But what I saw was absolutely heartbreaking. Apparently, while we were gone on vacation, two wet heavy snowstorms had visited us. My greenhouse was completely destroyed. Walls, roof, everything. The plants that I had been nursing through the winter were dead and frozen, the trellis my dad built me for my birthday last year was under a pile of rubble, the lights, radio, fireplace, everything wet and broken.


Are you waiting for me to say I took a deep breath and smiled and moved on like a perfect little yogi? Hell no. I bawled. I woke my husband up and cried on his shoulder, and then I cried while I made myself some tea, then I cried in the bathroom for twenty minutes, came out and cried on my husband some more. I texted my friends to get support and consolation, and cried some more. I wallowed. I pity partied hard. I did not care one bit that I was still sporting a tan from my tropical vacation, or any other thing. I dove straight down into the list of things that were going wrong and flopped around like a fish in my own grief and frustration. I’m sure you know the feeling, because we’ve all been there; once you start counting your curses the list seems to grow in front of your very eyes. Even after I thought I was over it, my dad stopped by to offer me a hug and I cried some more.

But THEN. Then I took a breath. I know myself and when it all comes down to it, I am a problem solver. I tackle things head on, always have. I had breakfast, took a shower, listened to one of my favorite albums while I got dressed and did my makeup. I pulled the five of cups for my tarot card of the day. On this card, the woman is clearly focused on the cups that are spilled over, grieving her loss, and ignoring the fact that right behind her there are still two full cups. Jeez, did this deck know me well today or what? I hopped on Google images and searched “timber frame glass greenhouses.” If you don’t know what those look like, they are a literal gardener’s dream come true. My husband confirmed that this was a doable project. This spring. My grief lifted a bit, as I started to turn towards those full cups in my life. Now I have something new to strive for, a new beginning, even better than before.


Last week, on the gulf coast of Florida, we drove through completely devastated towns, houses turned into piles of rubble, people living in campers, all of the beaches and businesses closed, utter ruin. Even right on the coast the smell was so bad we had to keep the car windows closed while we drove through the destruction. We stopped at farmers markets and flea markets to spend our vacation money, avoiding box stores and chains, wanting to put cash in the hands of locals. Every person we spoke with was so friendly and optimistic, making the best of the chaos. And that’s what we all do, isn’t it? We still smile and laugh at funerals, fix the broken things, solve the problems, soldier on. We’re human.


Walking the middle path does not mean you are just farting rainbows twenty four hours a day. That fake optimism stuff is for the birds. The Dharma acknowledges that we will suffer, it is unavoidable. Nobody expects us to be cheerful all the time, or take a beating with a grin on. But I return again and again to the Four Noble Truths, the third being the truth of the cessation of suffering, that all suffering must end because all things are impermanent. My Jeep will get fixed, my house will be fixed, and my greenhouse will be replaced. I will suffer more, I will heal more, I will grieve more, and I will feel joy more. I’ll stay on the middle path, not too much, not too little, and inch my way towards enlightenment as a little human Bodhisattva, taking refuge in the three jewels (the Buddha, the Dharma, and the Sangha) as I make my way through the storms.



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